Every month I’m absolutely amused beyond belief at my emotional state right before my period. It’s freakishly accurate, and somehow it always takes me by surprise. Like duh, thats why I’ve been hysterically crying for hours just because I saw two people holding hands! Or because my single friend has a boyfriend now. Or because I remembered I’m allergic to cats.

I’m not one of those girls that tracks her menstration cycle because, well, it does what it wants to. But every single time it comes, I swear it’s one of Oprah’s “aha” moments. That’s like the definition of what I think she means by Aha Moments. Single White Female Edition.

And honestly I hate it ok? I only laugh because in a matter of days, I’ve outcried every Rachel McAdams fan on the planet and I have no more tears. I hate that my hormones (whatever the fuck those are anyway) control me in this way. If I were a bored woman, I bet I could track some of the fights or breakups that these silly little invisible “hormones” have caused. So much pain and suffering! What a completely absurd way of living!

I’m a slave to these X chromosomes.