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I can’t do it ok? I can’t pretend like I’m a normal sane person who can be in some happy relationship. I can’t. I just realized the other day that, and I’m completely serious about this, I want to hurt the people I think I love! Like, what does that even mean? Part of me just wants to rip out a heart and stomp on it until it blends with the gravel. I want to be the thing that destroys someone. It’s completely fucked up that I equate love to things like trauma and damage, isn’t it?
All of this just makes me think I haven’t healed or grown much at all since I realized things were really dead with that one person. Just one single person has completely changed my world and now I’m damaged through and through. I’m still in that state of mind where compassion is just this figment of my imagination. I feel so angry at everyone and for what reason?? Because it never worked out the way I planned? Because I was supposed to do things the correct way and I was going to find what I was missing and live happily ever after?
These circles just make me so fucking sick. I hate consistently moving forward and running backwards all the time. I can honestly blame every mental health problem I will ever have on this one fucking person and how does that even happen by the way? Did I let that happen and just not know it? Why would anyone want to fall in love just so they can spend the rest of their life as a fragile, damaged, little fraction of a person? Nobody warns you about that. “Hey, maybe don’t lose too much of yourself in this one person. Don’t put every last one of your eggs in that basket, fool.” I mean, come on. I’m not the first person to feel like this. A little warning would have been nice.
If you ran for like, a minute, it doesn’t make you a runner.
drink your juice.: Had a Real New York Moment™ tonight -
[exiting the subway]
Some teenager: Hey sexy.[ten feet out of the subway station]
Guy in his 30s: Have a good night, beautiful.[rounding the corner to my block]
Some old dude: Smile, precious. Show them pretty teeth.
Me: Oh FUCK you.I don’t tend to read a ton of feminist stuff on the…
It’s like when you spot a cutie on Facebook and you’re checking out their interests, and then you see it..
“Republican Party/Conservative”
:( Infinite sads.
“I would break up that marriage in a heartbeat” — me, to myself while facebook stalking over lunch :(
This photo is taken from where I used to smoke when I worked at the Indiana Senate. There were over 20,000 protesters yesterday and it is getting absolutely no national attention. It’s bigger than any teaparty protest ever was.
If you don’t know, Mitch Daniels (who is likely running for President) has been trying to pull the same shit that Walker is doing in Wisconsin. Except no one gives a shit about us. Our senators left for Chicago too.
(Source: progressivefriends)
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I’m not an expert but I’m guessing it’s not very healthy to be perfectly happy after days of uncontrollable sadness, all for no apparent reason. This winter is bringing me dowwwwn, mannn. I’ve never wanted sun and warmth so much in my entire life.
Is this what getting old is?
Everything she learns I’ve already known. So much wasted space on all these useless details. I wish I could get rid of the knowledge of you inside and out. I will never need to know what makes you happy or what makes you sad again. But it kills me that she gets to know all my favorite things about you. She gets to discover the better sides of you that no one else ever had a chance to see.